Marriage:Promise of Purity or Slavery to the Society?

Yesterday evening I and my friends had met up at our usual hang out place where we meet up almost everyday talking about everything we can fit into the little time we get to spend with each other. So it happened that a friend of mine, Mario and I happen to have a talk rather argument on the topic of arrange marriages and love marriages. It was strange how a mere statement leaded to such a huge heated debate which lasted for almost an hour. I clearly mentioned I would never want to do an arrange marriage because in my opinion the very thought of getting married and living your life with a total stranger is only a little less scary than death! However dear Mario was adamant that it is not always that arrange marriages happen in such a rush and today even in countries like India people think more practically in the case of arrange marriages. This actually put me to think a lot about this issue.
I always had certain questions in my mind. Do we genuinely think that if a person is not married that person is weird or is not a part of the society? Are we that desperate to get married that even if it means taking our chances and getting married to someone we don’t love?
Talking about love marriages they usually tend to offer more independence and freedom as opposed to arranged marriages where the boy or the girl is chosen by the parents and generally involve a lot of pressure from parents which even if not physically can be emotionally. They also tend to offer a lot of comfort level since before the couple tries the knot they fall in love with each other probably after a long time of getting to know each other. This helps them to explore both the good and bad side of the person they are with. On the other hand for a couple who’s marriage is arranged by their parents it may take a longer time to develop that comfort level and understanding with their partner. Also the fact that you’re marrying the person you are so much in love with, will give you that perfect satisfaction and contentment when the couple finally take their wedding vows. However, the whole idea of “arranging” sounds a state in which a person doesn’t even have the confidence in himself or herself that maybe one day he or she may meet their soul mate. So here love marriage scores higher than an arrange marriage. (no offence Mario!)
Compromise is said to be the foundations of marriage. In the case of a love marriage the level of compromise is much lesser as compared to an arrange marriage since two people in a love marriage get married or rather even fall in love only after getting to know each other. However in the case of an arrange marriage the level of compromise rises up due to less of understanding each other before marriage and preconceived notations and expectations about each other.
Yet there also exist cases where the compromise factor might work wonders for certain couples tied by an arrange marriages as compared to love marriages where the couple may not want to compromise for anything leading to fights.
On the other hand not all love marriages have happy endings. There are times they also fail leading to pain and dejection. A person tends to think that something is wrong in his or her decision making ability which leads to lack of confidence and fear of commitment. It is also possible that an individual’s parents do not approve of his or her decision which may lead to family disputes finally lead to isolation and frustration.
Now coming back to arrange marriages, they tend to offer more security as compared to love marriages because everything including the family background, caste, age, qualifications etc are taken into consideration and are checked, sometimes even rechecked since parents tend to take decisions with maturity and proper judgment while looking for a suitable partner for their children. Also in the case of arrange marriages the couple enjoy a great deal of financial support as well as support in making decisions. So even if the marriage tomorrow doesn’t work out they always have someone to blame. Even in cases of disputes between the couple their respective families are more than ready to come and help them clear out their problems. Conversely this may not be the case in a love marriage because it involves the independent decision of an individual and if the marriage fails then he may have no one to lay on for support.
However this certainly does not mean that arrange marriages are all that rosy and the ideal way to get married. They also have their own black potholes. In an arrange marriage it is very obvious that parents will be looking out for someone who is good looking as opposed to love marriages where it very much possible to fall in love with some who is not blessed with an exterior beauty as well. This leads to people to have an inferiority complex as to the way the look. Boys and girls who are not blessed with good looks or who are over weight tend to have a feeling that they will never land up getting married. In countries like India, at times arrange marriages also give rise to evil practices like dowry system, matching of horoscopes etc. Then again arrange marriages in spite of the watchfulness again are as risky as love marriages are and may not necessarily be promising which also leads a person to the same stage of isolation and segregation.
Mostly people tend to go for an arrange marriage because they have till now not found their match and are scared of facing the so –called society as a single person. Many women cling on to even abusive relationships only of the fear to face the so-called society!
At the end of the day what people fail to realize is that every person is the ruler of himself and every decision he takes should be based only and only on what he or she wants in life rather than to give in to the pressures of the society.
So finally do you believe in happy endings? Go make your own. Don’t wait for the society to write your destiny because whether love or arranged the only truth about marriage is that marriage requires falling in love everyday, but with the same person.